It's n00z to me at least. [Lester]

For the past 3 months or so I've been making after-work screwdrivers with a bottle of smirnoff orange, you know, to calm my nerves after a long day of dick-slapping media buyers and leaving red mushroom welts on faces. A girthy shiitake, if you will.

So as I was cooking Christmas Eve dinner, I went to fix myself another and moms informed me that she'd emptied the bottle months earlier and had filled it with cooking wine.

WTF!!!!111 That means about 50% of my alcohol consumption since August has been chinese cooking wine + OJ.

Questions:
1) Why didn't I ever notice?
2) Why don't more people drink cooking wine and OJ?
3) Who would keep vodka next to the soy sauce and still think it was vodka?
4) Do chinese people not believe in mason jars?
5) Why don't more people drink cooking wine and OJ?
6) Who drank my fucking vodka in the first place?

I need to know these things.

As an aside, Pilan had a dream about me.

Pilan: haha, i had a dream last night that you shot someone
Pilan: while me you and someone else were robbing like a target/sears/other big store
Pilan: and you wanted to steal guns and money
Pilan: so you got guns from the guy at the gun counter then shot him, and the you knew exactly how to shoot him so that no one could tell that he was dead
Pilan: so he was just there on the coutner and no one else in the store knew what was goin on
Pilan: then you took the money and we left, except cedric was working there
Pilan: so i had to call him later and tell him not to say anything
Pilan: there was some other stuff too, but i dont remember
Pilan: yea
Pilan: so it just looked like he was leaning over the counter
Pilan: it was almost like you tranq-ed him
Pilan: but you really shot him

hella. ninja. skirrz. uknowhumsayin'?