XTREME skiing: [Ben]

Over the scantily attended New Year’s trip to Tahoe, I happened to catch sight of a relic of skiing’s past while waiting in a lift line. Behold, Big Feet:

Big Feet are pretty much exactly what they look like: really shitty short skis with a horrible binding system and a clever, embarrassing graphic that appeals to all the wrong people. Unfortunately, they seem to be making a comeback in more modern form. Everyone familiar with snow sports of any kind knows that the longer your skis/board, the faster you go. Ostensibly, Big Feet (or ski boards more generically), were created for: a) people who wanted to learn how to get down the hill in one day without falling too much, and b) XGame wannabe idiots who spin 720s and then throw the fist pump while going five miles an hour (see exhibit A below).

I reserve heaping amounts of contempt for both. In the former case because I hate anyone who sucks on the ski slopes (after a reasonable learning period), and anyone who actually owns these has been wallowing in mediocrity for quite some time. I’m all for training wheels, but for fuck’s sake… grow a pair, learn to ski for real and keep the hell out of my way. I didn’t pay 50 bucks to play frogger with you and those little legomen looking kids with their gigantic crash helmets.

The second case is more disheartening. Are they under the illusion that anyone at all is impressed? Why the propensity for hats that wouldn’t even look right on circus performers? They’re all just lucky that I can’t pick up rocks while on a ski lift or I’d be treating them like Israeli tanks.