live from oaklaaaaand [Liam]
Ok so I haven’t been updating lately, even though I’ve cranked out a couple drafts recently… nothing quite up to snuff. I think it’s mainly that I like to use images in my humor and lately I haven’t found a work-safe location from which to Photoshop it up.
So anyway, here’s a brief glimpse into my day-to-day life while I am failing to post something funny on my blog.
This will be difficult for me, because I really don’t do well with the whole “time” thing.
-Woke up at 9am for a staff meeting.
-Got out of bed at 9:15, because… who am I kidding. Bed owns.
-Began brushing teeth at around 9:22, as Brian was knocking on the door.
-Arrived at work at 10:04. Waved “hi” at people intermittently during staff meeting (many of them actually being seated at the table at the time). Left to brew a cup of Jasmine tea.
-Built an executive office chair while refusing to help Brian carry the chair he is to build, for the sake of creating a head start.
[name withheld] innocently drops this quotable line out of context: “My mom is heavy. That’s a two-man job.”
-Some time later I stop laughing and get up from the floor.
-I leverage my head start into a kamikaze sneak attack, ramming his in-progress chair with my own Novimex Fabric Executive Chair, scattering a peon and disrupting resources ala Warcraft II in the process.
-Brian and I fight a swivel chair cage match in one of the offices while everyone is at a staff meeting.
-Lunch time approaches. I discuss philosophy and my outlook on life with Ben, and Italian Sandwiches and Mortadella’s growing role as the sophisticated man’s Bologna with Lester.
-12:10. Lunch. Chi-town style 10” Italian Hoagie from The CheeseSteak Shop. Grub on mortadella, proscuitto, capicola (also known as Gabagool in Italian-American slang), and provolone.
-I decide to reveal my secret identity and order under my real name for the first time (Typically I call myself “Ty” when I have to give a name, because it is short, easy and distinctive. I used to use “Bob” but I find that such a common nickname passes right under my radar since I’m not conditioned to listen for it). Naturally, disastrous confusion ensues at my use of the Gaelic favorite for “William,” and my receipt goes under no less than 3 revisions before I tell them to just keep whatever it says (Leo, Leon, etc)… but at the very least I am spared the confusion that happens from using a long-standing regular alias and paying with a credit card that reads something else entirely.
(I’ve always liked the idea of being able to operate under a simple alias, but I feel guilty when it becomes clear that I have betrayed the cordial pleasantries between server and customer because I don’t trust most point-of-sale personnel to nail my name on the first 20 tries. Someday I will come clean at CloverLeaf Bowl)
-I do some work and check my email, find out that every print shop in the Bay Area hates MS Publisher (the Diocese standard). Though it means more work, humanity’s stock is bumped up a quarter point on the LBo Exchange.
-1:00. Commence waiting for a return call from the printer regarding 1,000 glossy 3-color Escuela de Ministerios Pastorales brochures.
-1:15. June 9 is marked on the large whiteboard calendar as “National Liam Day” on a background of red sun rays. August 20 is marked “Brian BDay” with a frowning un-happyface (= [ ).
-1:30. I sit down in MS Word and begin covert-blogging.
Oh, BTW here's my new work samples page
So anyway, here’s a brief glimpse into my day-to-day life while I am failing to post something funny on my blog.
This will be difficult for me, because I really don’t do well with the whole “time” thing.
-Woke up at 9am for a staff meeting.
-Got out of bed at 9:15, because… who am I kidding. Bed owns.
-Began brushing teeth at around 9:22, as Brian was knocking on the door.
-Arrived at work at 10:04. Waved “hi” at people intermittently during staff meeting (many of them actually being seated at the table at the time). Left to brew a cup of Jasmine tea.
-Built an executive office chair while refusing to help Brian carry the chair he is to build, for the sake of creating a head start.
[name withheld] innocently drops this quotable line out of context: “My mom is heavy. That’s a two-man job.”
-Some time later I stop laughing and get up from the floor.
-I leverage my head start into a kamikaze sneak attack, ramming his in-progress chair with my own Novimex Fabric Executive Chair, scattering a peon and disrupting resources ala Warcraft II in the process.
-Brian and I fight a swivel chair cage match in one of the offices while everyone is at a staff meeting.
-Lunch time approaches. I discuss philosophy and my outlook on life with Ben, and Italian Sandwiches and Mortadella’s growing role as the sophisticated man’s Bologna with Lester.
-12:10. Lunch. Chi-town style 10” Italian Hoagie from The CheeseSteak Shop. Grub on mortadella, proscuitto, capicola (also known as Gabagool in Italian-American slang), and provolone.
-I decide to reveal my secret identity and order under my real name for the first time (Typically I call myself “Ty” when I have to give a name, because it is short, easy and distinctive. I used to use “Bob” but I find that such a common nickname passes right under my radar since I’m not conditioned to listen for it). Naturally, disastrous confusion ensues at my use of the Gaelic favorite for “William,” and my receipt goes under no less than 3 revisions before I tell them to just keep whatever it says (Leo, Leon, etc)… but at the very least I am spared the confusion that happens from using a long-standing regular alias and paying with a credit card that reads something else entirely.
(I’ve always liked the idea of being able to operate under a simple alias, but I feel guilty when it becomes clear that I have betrayed the cordial pleasantries between server and customer because I don’t trust most point-of-sale personnel to nail my name on the first 20 tries. Someday I will come clean at CloverLeaf Bowl)
-I do some work and check my email, find out that every print shop in the Bay Area hates MS Publisher (the Diocese standard). Though it means more work, humanity’s stock is bumped up a quarter point on the LBo Exchange.
-1:00. Commence waiting for a return call from the printer regarding 1,000 glossy 3-color Escuela de Ministerios Pastorales brochures.
-1:15. June 9 is marked on the large whiteboard calendar as “National Liam Day” on a background of red sun rays. August 20 is marked “Brian BDay” with a frowning un-happyface (= [ ).
-1:30. I sit down in MS Word and begin covert-blogging.
Oh, BTW here's my new work samples page
1 Comments:
liam, its been a while man. nice site. and i hear ya on the food ordering alias. i usually just say "frank" or something markedly less ethnic than my real name. though i did try my real name at baja fresh once and despite the effort i took to actually spell my name for them (P-A-R-E-S-H) the receipt said "Brush". fuck it, i'm going back to just using spanish cuss words.
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