Yearbook Pimping (Boylan, L. 2005, Cloverleaf Bowl) [Lester]
For those of you not in the know (aka from Fremont), Yearbook Pimping is the term that describes trying to hook up with everyone who you went to high school with... except five years later. It's simply being unmerciless and shameless in your approach to talking to ex-classmates with the greater goal of getting action.
When I first heard this term from Liam, I thought it was amusing and slightly dishonorable. I had a good laugh.
But the more I thought about it, the more brilliant it became.
Let's break this down into three scenarios...
If you have improved yourself (lost weight, got a degree, work full-time, drive a cool car, don't live at home, don't hang out at Menconi's, etc.) then you are a pleasant surprise to EVERYONE.. including the homecoming queen and the head cheerleader (who undoubtedly are on the decline and are looking for someone to stop their freefall in status. Folks, Lohans, it's hard to peak at 17.). They may be a bit tore up and busted, but still have mileage as long as they graduated after 1995. Except if you are THAT cheerleader that gave her wrestler boyfriend a threesome with her friend for Valentine's Day (and video taped it), in which case you are hella busted by now but would still get a phone call from us!!! :D
If you have stayed the same, you are a pleasant flashback to anyone who enjoyed their high school years, again the cheerleaders and prom queens. Thinking of you brings them back to their glory days! The next move is to dine them (Hometown Buffet, New Yorker Pizza, Carnitas Michoacan, etc.), pop in the Kai-Say You'll Stay cassette single and you are totally golden. Go Colts!
If you have gained weight, are unemployed, rock out to MG and Angelina in your 1982 Toyota Corona (not a typo!), then you can EMPATHIZE with other ex-high schoolers. "Remember how much fun we used to have? Now look at us... sigh... No one remembers you anyway, let's screw." Bingo!
"But wait!!" you say. "What if I was the biggest jerk in the school and everyone said that they wouldn't sleep with me if I was the last person on Earth!" Well, do keep in mind that time can heal wounds. That girl you called a psychotic haggardly beeotch in History class can write that off to your mutual immaturity and will give you the benefit of the doubt.
So there, keep on keepin' on Union City. Do what you gotta do and tap dat yearbook like you was a Lo-Hi stepper! YOU KNOW!
When I first heard this term from Liam, I thought it was amusing and slightly dishonorable. I had a good laugh.
But the more I thought about it, the more brilliant it became.
Let's break this down into three scenarios...
If you have improved yourself (lost weight, got a degree, work full-time, drive a cool car, don't live at home, don't hang out at Menconi's, etc.) then you are a pleasant surprise to EVERYONE.. including the homecoming queen and the head cheerleader (who undoubtedly are on the decline and are looking for someone to stop their freefall in status. Folks, Lohans, it's hard to peak at 17.). They may be a bit tore up and busted, but still have mileage as long as they graduated after 1995. Except if you are THAT cheerleader that gave her wrestler boyfriend a threesome with her friend for Valentine's Day (and video taped it), in which case you are hella busted by now but would still get a phone call from us!!! :D
If you have stayed the same, you are a pleasant flashback to anyone who enjoyed their high school years, again the cheerleaders and prom queens. Thinking of you brings them back to their glory days! The next move is to dine them (Hometown Buffet, New Yorker Pizza, Carnitas Michoacan, etc.), pop in the Kai-Say You'll Stay cassette single and you are totally golden. Go Colts!
If you have gained weight, are unemployed, rock out to MG and Angelina in your 1982 Toyota Corona (not a typo!), then you can EMPATHIZE with other ex-high schoolers. "Remember how much fun we used to have? Now look at us... sigh... No one remembers you anyway, let's screw." Bingo!
"But wait!!" you say. "What if I was the biggest jerk in the school and everyone said that they wouldn't sleep with me if I was the last person on Earth!" Well, do keep in mind that time can heal wounds. That girl you called a psychotic haggardly beeotch in History class can write that off to your mutual immaturity and will give you the benefit of the doubt.
So there, keep on keepin' on Union City. Do what you gotta do and tap dat yearbook like you was a Lo-Hi stepper! YOU KNOW!
1 Comments:
What if you went to an all-girls school? Yikes.
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