Updated Favorite Movies [Liam]

My Top 10 Favorite Movies:

1. Royal Tenenbaums
2. Eternal Sunshine
3. In the Mood for Love
4. Heat (+1)
5. Collateral (+3)
6. Saving Private Ryan
7. Chungking Express (NEW)
8. Better Luck Tomorrow (NEW)
9. Donnie Darko (-5)
10. The Incredibles (NEW)

Honorable Mention:
Akira, 5th Element, Fallen Angels, Out of Sight, Usual Suspects,
Crouching Tiger, Ronin, Godfather II, Raging Bull, Life Aquatic, Road
to Perdition, Zero Effect, Grosse Point Blank.

Top 10 ACTION* MOVIES:

1. Ong Bak (NEW)
2. The Killer (-1)
3. Tombstone
4. Troy (for the swordplay)(NEW)
5. Fifth Element (-3)
6. Zatoichi 2k3 (-1)
7. Hard Boiled
8. Bad Boys II (-2)
9. The Last Samurai (NEW)
10. Die Hard (-6)

*Rated purely on the criteria of well-choreographed and executed violence. May have other redeeming elements but this (and only this) is what is taken into consideration for the list.

Honorable Mention: A Few Dollars More, The Bourne Identity, The Rock, Zatoichi (Shintaro Katsui), Replacement Killers, Last Man Standing, The Last Boyscout, Aliens, True Lies (sometimes), A Better Tomorrow I & II, Face / Off, The Professional, Rumble in the Bronx, Kiss of the Dragon (actually, yes), Point of No Return.

[Explanations to come. Flame away if you are so inclined... Or even reading ;) ]

BAC > IQ [Liam]

hihavent'updatedinawhilehere'ssomepicsofmewheniwaslittle

OWNED.


ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHERS...


I WISH I WAS A LITTLE BIT TALLER I WISH... OH N/M JUST TALLER.

omg t3h aelinz [Liam]

for another true gem of workplace productivity,

[CLICK HERE]


I would have placed this directly on the page, but in its shrunken form (as seen here)
it is still like 213k of pure animated .gif goodness.

live from oaklaaaaand [Liam]

Ok so I haven’t been updating lately, even though I’ve cranked out a couple drafts recently… nothing quite up to snuff. I think it’s mainly that I like to use images in my humor and lately I haven’t found a work-safe location from which to Photoshop it up.

So anyway, here’s a brief glimpse into my day-to-day life while I am failing to post something funny on my blog.
This will be difficult for me, because I really don’t do well with the whole “time” thing.

-Woke up at 9am for a staff meeting.
-Got out of bed at 9:15, because… who am I kidding. Bed owns.
-Began brushing teeth at around 9:22, as Brian was knocking on the door.
-Arrived at work at 10:04. Waved “hi” at people intermittently during staff meeting (many of them actually being seated at the table at the time). Left to brew a cup of Jasmine tea.
-Built an executive office chair while refusing to help Brian carry the chair he is to build, for the sake of creating a head start.
[name withheld] innocently drops this quotable line out of context: “My mom is heavy. That’s a two-man job.”
-Some time later I stop laughing and get up from the floor.
-I leverage my head start into a kamikaze sneak attack, ramming his in-progress chair with my own Novimex Fabric Executive Chair, scattering a peon and disrupting resources ala Warcraft II in the process.
-Brian and I fight a swivel chair cage match in one of the offices while everyone is at a staff meeting.
-Lunch time approaches. I discuss philosophy and my outlook on life with Ben, and Italian Sandwiches and Mortadella’s growing role as the sophisticated man’s Bologna with Lester.
-12:10. Lunch. Chi-town style 10” Italian Hoagie from The CheeseSteak Shop. Grub on mortadella, proscuitto, capicola (also known as Gabagool in Italian-American slang), and provolone.
-I decide to reveal my secret identity and order under my real name for the first time (Typically I call myself “Ty” when I have to give a name, because it is short, easy and distinctive. I used to use “Bob” but I find that such a common nickname passes right under my radar since I’m not conditioned to listen for it). Naturally, disastrous confusion ensues at my use of the Gaelic favorite for “William,” and my receipt goes under no less than 3 revisions before I tell them to just keep whatever it says (Leo, Leon, etc)… but at the very least I am spared the confusion that happens from using a long-standing regular alias and paying with a credit card that reads something else entirely.
(I’ve always liked the idea of being able to operate under a simple alias, but I feel guilty when it becomes clear that I have betrayed the cordial pleasantries between server and customer because I don’t trust most point-of-sale personnel to nail my name on the first 20 tries. Someday I will come clean at CloverLeaf Bowl)
-I do some work and check my email, find out that every print shop in the Bay Area hates MS Publisher (the Diocese standard). Though it means more work, humanity’s stock is bumped up a quarter point on the LBo Exchange.
-1:00. Commence waiting for a return call from the printer regarding 1,000 glossy 3-color Escuela de Ministerios Pastorales brochures.
-1:15. June 9 is marked on the large whiteboard calendar as “National Liam Day” on a background of red sun rays. August 20 is marked “Brian BDay” with a frowning un-happyface (= [ ).
-1:30. I sit down in MS Word and begin covert-blogging.

Oh, BTW here's my new work samples page

"The Style Issue"... i always wanted to type that. [Liam]

And now, an entirely new rant subject:
I believe that there are inner mechanics behind what we see in fashion... an unexpectedly systematic group of variables that define the supposedly random and unreadable thing that is style. I know I'm not really much of an expert, but I figured I would take a crack at it regardless.

Part One:
Fashion is, obviously, designed to make people look good. Duh.
There are, however, different ways to accomplish this.
The Light Side:

Simple and timeless or conventionally fashionable clothes that suggest such things as wealth, physical fitness, and taste. Outfits that subtly work for the wearer. This is the category most people aim for. It doesn't stand out in a crowd, but employs things like color coordination and brand names to lump some extra points on in the appearance/presentation category.
The Dark Side:

This is the more out there, unreadable side of the coin; clothes that communicate eccentricity and an affinity for wardrobe experimentation (often wealth as well). Often, these are clothes that work against the looks of the wearer; jarringly offbeat or even "ugly" styles that accentuate the fact that the person wearing them looks good in spite of the packaging. I'd say these days this style has enveloped traditionally horrifying stereotypes of "nerd" and 80's clothing... people testing their "strength of attractiveness" by rocking prep argyle, thick black glasses or 80's retro to see how much they can pile on until something breaks. Anybody can do the emo frames or a pair of pumas (this shifts it towards the "light side" after a number of months on the fringe). Some girls can do an off-center ponytail or sport vomit-neon tops, and some guys can wear skinny tapered pants and wear their hair like "The Cure". And, according to the world's leading physicists and mathematicians, somewhere out there theoretically there could actually be a woman SO hot she can successfully rock 80's blown-out shoulder pads. Daaymn.
[BELOW: Artist's rendition of Keira "Hi I'm HOT" Knightley locked in mortal combat with a specimen of 80s cold war ugliness technology]



(Next: Applying this to my "underappreciated celeb" picks)

Yearbook Pimping (Boylan, L. 2005, Cloverleaf Bowl) [Lester]

For those of you not in the know (aka from Fremont), Yearbook Pimping is the term that describes trying to hook up with everyone who you went to high school with... except five years later. It's simply being unmerciless and shameless in your approach to talking to ex-classmates with the greater goal of getting action.

When I first heard this term from Liam, I thought it was amusing and slightly dishonorable. I had a good laugh.



But the more I thought about it, the more brilliant it became.

Let's break this down into three scenarios...

If you have improved yourself (lost weight, got a degree, work full-time, drive a cool car, don't live at home, don't hang out at Menconi's, etc.) then you are a pleasant surprise to EVERYONE.. including the homecoming queen and the head cheerleader (who undoubtedly are on the decline and are looking for someone to stop their freefall in status. Folks, Lohans, it's hard to peak at 17.). They may be a bit tore up and busted, but still have mileage as long as they graduated after 1995. Except if you are THAT cheerleader that gave her wrestler boyfriend a threesome with her friend for Valentine's Day (and video taped it), in which case you are hella busted by now but would still get a phone call from us!!! :D

If you have stayed the same, you are a pleasant flashback to anyone who enjoyed their high school years, again the cheerleaders and prom queens. Thinking of you brings them back to their glory days! The next move is to dine them (Hometown Buffet, New Yorker Pizza, Carnitas Michoacan, etc.), pop in the Kai-Say You'll Stay cassette single and you are totally golden. Go Colts!

If you have gained weight, are unemployed, rock out to MG and Angelina in your 1982 Toyota Corona (not a typo!), then you can EMPATHIZE with other ex-high schoolers. "Remember how much fun we used to have? Now look at us... sigh... No one remembers you anyway, let's screw." Bingo!

"But wait!!" you say. "What if I was the biggest jerk in the school and everyone said that they wouldn't sleep with me if I was the last person on Earth!" Well, do keep in mind that time can heal wounds. That girl you called a psychotic haggardly beeotch in History class can write that off to your mutual immaturity and will give you the benefit of the doubt.

So there, keep on keepin' on Union City. Do what you gotta do and tap dat yearbook like you was a Lo-Hi stepper! YOU KNOW!

It really does happen. [Lester]

Dealer: Hand #66391344
Dealer: BIGWILL78 posts the small blind of 30
Dealer: pinupgrl posts the big blind of 60
Dealer: You have been dealt [7h 6h]
Dealer: nutshot22 raises to 120
Dealer: TheVillain raises to 960, and is all in
Dealer: bears826 folds
Dealer: Flatley folds
Dealer: BIGWILL78 folds
Dealer: pinupgrl folds
Dealer: nutshot22 calls 840
Dealer: TheVillain shows [Qc Jc]
Dealer: nutshot22 shows [4c 4d]
Dealer: The flop is [Tc Kc Ac]
Dealer: The turn is [3h]
Dealer: The river is [7s]
Dealer: TheVillain shows a Royal Flush
Dealer: nutshot22 shows a pair of Fours
Dealer: TheVillain wins the pot (2,010) with a Royal Flush
Tournament Director: The blinds are now 40/80