The Komodo Dragon Christmas Story [Ben]

Scientists are reporting that Komodo dragons--undeniably the world's most badass species of lizard--have chosen the holiday season to let the sanctimonious Virgin Mary know she really ain't shit. In two separate cases, through a process called parthenogenisis, female lizards produced a batch of eggs without marination in a load of sperm. Somewhere, Andrea Dworkin is pinching her nipples and cackling maniacally. Unlike BDSM slave Mary, who could only work up the cascading fertility required to asexually conceive while being denied pleasure by studly carpenter Joseph and omnipotent Lord God, Flora the lizard hatched her batch despite the absence of a male for the entirety of her captive life.

Details of this modern Christmas miracle continue to erode the credibility of Mary's protestations that she, "wasn't a dirty, handcuff-loving little slut," and will do little to quiet rumors of a March 0001 dungeon party involving Mary, Joseph and the three Wise Men:

Because of the genetics of this process, he added, her children would always be male.

This is because Komodo dragons have W and Z chromosomes - females have one W and one Z, males have two Zs.

The egg from the female carries one chromosome, either a W or Z, and when parthenogenesis takes place, either the W or Z is duplicated.

This leads to eggs which are WW and ZZ. WW eggs are not viable, but ZZ eggs are, and lead to male baby Komodo dragons.

Even more exciting is the news that this phenomenon has been observed in "snakes, fish... and even a turkey." After a quick review of my high school biology (human females are XX right?), I came to two conclusions: 1) that Mary chick definitely got fucked, and 2) my new master plan is to lock Angelina Jolie in a room so she will stop adopting third world babies and instead begin reproduction uncorrupted by outside DNA. I'm also eagerly awaiting the spate of "Jesus was a Woman" stories propagated by Mary apologists as soon as this whole female Shakespeare thing has run its course.

Merry Christmas.