yeah, they're most definately out for a cheap laugh, but i don't have a good comeback right now [amy]

Quick, name off the 5 freedoms guaranteed by the first amendment!

I could only come up with three.
But I can name way more citizens of Springfield than I ought too.

Dag, yo.

Was it worth the wait? Sources indicate 'doubtful'. [Mowgli]

So, I'm back. I realized yesterday I hadn't blogged in a really long time, so I figured I should bring something extra special as a coming home present. Fortunately, the DD sports channel obliged. In the spirit of the original Greek olympics, enjoy these pics from the National Judo Championship 2005-2006! This post comes with the Mowgli 'no photoshop' guarantee.

The Death of the Winter Olympics, aka Calvin Ball [Lester]

Aside from the fact that season 17 of American Idol is killing the Winter Olympics in TV ratings, there are way too many other signs that this sham snow hobby exhibition is already in its death throes.

1. The original (homoerotic) Olympic games in Athens occurred during the summer. Pierre de Coubertin's revival of the games in 1896 included only summer events. The winter olympics did not exist in its current form until 1924, and even then it was called “The International Winter Sports Week.” During its inception, the 1924 Winter Olympics was no more than a formalization of winter hobbies and the organizers themselves were reluctant to dub it as the "Olympics."

2. In 1924, the only relevant world was the white world, which happens to exist along a latitude amenable to ass-bitingly cold weather. White people like the ice and snow because it provides a natural setting for their camouflaged skin. As the rest of the world (which is hotter) develops and becomes more socially/economically/politically/culturally important, the sports that define those societies will become increasingly important on a global scale, more important than regional activities that depend on cold weather.

3. The main draw of the Winter Olympics is to root for amateurs--it's why Bruce Jenner is endeared over Barry Bonds. With the explosion of reality shows, we are now saturated with the underdog reality theme. Beauty and the Geek, Average Joe, etc. The Winter Olympic feel good story can be found on the WB every Thursday night.

4. Global warming.

5. A black man won an individual gold medal. No, seriously. Why was Cool Runnings so funny? Because 4 black men from Jamaica look hilarious on ice. Hell most people still look puzzled when they see Donald Brashear in the NHL (he is a very very black man who played for Boston University). People of color already own most events during the Summer Olympics, so it's not a stretch to assume that one reason why the Winter games exist is to cater to a whiter audience, one that is more in-line with global power structures and open to using their Visa cards to buy organic milk. Cool Runnings was cute, but now we've got Shani Davis winning medals and the CHINESE owning skiing's freestyle aerial events. There will be no more winter sports that teh Honky can own over the next 20 years, unless it is Calvin Balled to include Ice Bowflexing or Nascar Sledding.

In short, the Winter Olympics are a political scam to highlight athletes and hobbyists of a paler complexion. All sorts of events are added on to cater to this hobby base, but as the rest of the world wakes up and says "yeah that fucking snow shit is RETARDED and UNCOMFORTABLE," the interest and supporting marketing dollars will melt away.




bitches.

i hate bed bugs i cannot emphasize this enough [amy]

HATE ^INFINITY

a tk noodle moment [Liam]

So I'm on the ol' eliptical machine yesterday, watching batman begins... and the movie ends but i'm still running in place; i'm not really paying attention to the credits until a single line snags my attention scrolling by.
This line reads:

       Enormous Prisoner       Turbo Kong

that's-- that-- that's just fucking WOW.
I mean it's cool enough that the normally ultra-vanilla naming conventions for credited extras saw fit to part before him and bestow the title "enormous" on his character instead of simply "big" or an even less-descriptive "#1"... but to follow up on that with a name like Turbo Kong (he's the huge Asian dude who says "You are in hell, and I am the devil," before getting beat up by Bruce Wayne) is simply classic. It's like one of those bonuses in bowling where you follow up a marked frame with a strike.
Turbo Kong.
This, my friend... this is a man who names his wang. There is no question.
It is probably such an aggressive and dynamic name that no single language can contain it. To step it up from "Turbo Kong" requires gestures, a gong, and at least one word from a primitive tribal dialect. Proper pronunciation likely could only occur if the name was echoing from a mountaintop. I really don't think written language is up to the task.
This does constitute something of a dead end for this blog post. Probably for the best.

will also notarize [amy]

4444 Telegraph Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609:




They had me at the dinosaur man.

(it's actually a better deal than it looks)

I did this in SSX Tricky once. Lame. [Lester]

Throwing up the banner [amy]

This weekend my brother came up with a new catch phrase.

Example:

"Have you studied for your midterm yet?"
"Naw, I just decided to throw up the banner and call it a day."

or maybe

"I thought you were trying to save up for a car?"
"Yeah, but then I saw this scooter. It was shiny. And totally worth it."
"No one rides scooters anymore..."
"...totally... worth it..."
"Way to throw up the banner dude."

All the kewl kids are using it.
Or will.

arrr i'm a pirate X(#8) [Liam]

stuff is coming together for the move pretty well now... for anyone out of the loop me, matt, chris and brian are getting a place in the sunset district in sf. a little while ago i made a map with some linked images for matt, based on where i thought our different pics were taken in the apartment (the floorplan is from memory and quite bad, though spatially accurate). it can be viewed [HERE].
we've split up the bedrooms now, and i've got more pictures, so i'll be updating this pretty soon.

i've gotten into the whole exercising thing a bit more. i was doing it sporadically before, but with a lot less dedication than i am now.
i think my breakthrough was when i stopped thinking of it as *healthy* and *hard work* and re-classified it as an exercise in vanity and vaguely holistic(?) self-indulgence. now my only limiting factor is how much time i can devote from my night.
i hatched the idea just now while typing to do a cellphone "world tour" in which i call every phone number in my stored phonebook that doesn't represent an organization or an obvious bad idea. i probably don't have the balls to follow through with such a project, but if you should get a totally random ring from me at some point... well, that's what's up. perhaps i could involve drinking as well... a beer for every letter? (behold-- the exact moment that one of my bad ideas turns horrible. it's like watching a butterfly cram itself ass-first back into a cocoon and then set the whole thing on fire). i was about to say that I have too much time on my hands, but... honestly, i don't. i'm just naturally that weird.
OK! anyway. other news...
nevermind, i got nothing.
laaaaaate

Corollary to Message for Lester Jr. [Lester]

Do not engage in oral sex within 6 hours of eating habaneros and pure capsaicin.

Life Commentary [Chris]

*A brief conversation about what wouldn’t be the worst thing ever, immediately lead me to Terlocustists – which surely would be the worst thing ever. Half terrorist. Half locust. The ABC movie of the week staring Orlando Jones as "Mack" the undercover cop who has discovered a migrating mutated locust swarm heading towards New York! (I need professional help by the way)

*All lists are more impressive in excel. Know this, use this, and destroy all with this. Except of course, this list.

*My new office bathroom has a timer light that is eerily similar to the Scattegories clock. This proves life is a board game. Which is very true if you think about it.

*I find Scientology way too fascinating for my own good. You get OT levels? Really? Aliens spirits? Really? People believe this? Holy crap, tell me more.

*So I recently viewed, What The %$&* Do We Know? I halfway recommend it. I mostly just liked certain dialogue. For instance, “When you’re not looking there are waves of possibilities, when you are looking; there are particles of possibilities.” I’m not sure I even understand my own interpretation of that sentence.

*The idiot award of 06’ has clearly already been decided. When discussing King Kong, which was a seriously underrated movie in my opinion, Paul Wesselman, 38, of Madison, Wis. said, “If it was a bit shorter, I would be tempted to see it again," "But three hours is a serious commitment to a second viewing. Of course, I did see Titanic eight times in the movie theater.” Paul – The Terlocustists will definitely attack Madison, Wis first.

*Let's make this clear: Genius has no relationship whatsoever to popularity. Poor Arrested Development.

*Gillette’s new Mach 999 Light-year Much Gusto came out. I’m a sucker for some 5 blade action.

*I would soooooo knock up LOST. No doubt. Then force it to marry me. I’m a bit addicted. On the non-scary side, here is a quote I always really liked which doesn’t really fit the context of this post. So --- essentially it’s perfect.

Locke: I'm not lost any more.
Sun Kwon: How did you do that?
Locke: The same way anything lost gets found - I stopped looking.

Life's lesson to Lester Jr. [Lester]

Do not fap within 4 hours after handling cayenne pepper. Even if you washed your hands 3 times.

Chillax [Lester]

Fuck this word. Fuck you if you use it.

Fucking great idea to take one broke ass word past its time:

CHILL

and modify by adding the fucking fake suffix from:

RELAX

Whoever the fuck invented this bullshit, I bet his life is all fucked up (his, because women aren't that stupid). He probably has a rottweiler with a paper tail glued on. He drives a 1995 purple Honda Civic with a duct taped-on bleacher seat for a wing. He doesn't order lemonade, but orders water, a complementary lemon and squeezes his own while adding "REAL" sugar. He wears a black suit and tie with white tube socks. He bought a 512mb ipod shuffle and shoots varmints with a .22. He ages his 2001 Charles Shaw. He's white.

White as HELL.

HELL.

*trails off*

hell....

helllllll........

hellllllllllllllllllll.....