extras [Liam]
-There should be a standard in the pizza-making-and-delivering industry that you're transparent and upfront about ingredient availability. Of all the heinous ways to get burned on things in life, purchasing a "deluxe" pizza sight-unseen from someone and having it arrive minus an advertised ingredient is one of the most insidious.
Things Luigi at the pizzeria knows about you from the get-go when your phone it in:
1-You're too lazy to cook your food.
2-You're too lazy to go out and buy your food.
3-You combine being static with ingesting a billion calories, a good portion of which is probably derived from recombined meat byproducts.
In general, ordering a pizza is admitting that one lacks the hard-wired killer instinct to go forth and chase down sustenance. As such, the threat of retribution never really enters the equation for Luigi the pizza guy. He could probably get away with throwing a hot bag of ingredients at me and telling me he was out of crust.
Case in point: I'm sitting next to a half "all-meat" / half "greek style" pizza with no bacon on the meat side and no kalamata black olives on the greek side. This basically reduces the thing to an over-produced supreme pizza. And I'm fucking BLOGGING about it.
Well-played, sir. Well-played indeed.
-How did sausage pull so far ahead of bacon in the field of popular pizza toppings? I realize that garden-variety fennel and pork sausage is an Italian mainstay, but cured and thin-sliced meats are a big deal too. And the best things about Pepperoni (king of the pizza toppings), namely its saltiness, oiliness and its tendency to crisp up and curl on the edges-- these are things bacon does better than anything! Yet while sausage is granted pizza-headlining clout, bacon is available only in the most overzealously meat-heavy pizzas in the company of every other product you can kill out of a pig, cow or raccoon. It's an unfortunate thing.
(As a final thought, it must be the fault of the tomato sauce. Bacon gets along famously with cheese. Bread's dry and absorbent qualities complement bacon's greasiness and strong flavor gracefully and unobtrusively. Tomato sauce, though? Tomato sauce never heard of bacon. Tomato sauce and italian sausage go back for days though, and when the call comes in for a headlining meat product, I'm sure the sauce phones in a referral for its boy the sausage every damn time. Fuckin' tomato sauce. Pesto and ranch got your number any time they want, and they're both down with the bacon like you wouldn't believe)
Aaaaand that's time. Hands off the keyboard. Hitting the post button. Happy August everyone!
Things Luigi at the pizzeria knows about you from the get-go when your phone it in:
1-You're too lazy to cook your food.
2-You're too lazy to go out and buy your food.
3-You combine being static with ingesting a billion calories, a good portion of which is probably derived from recombined meat byproducts.
In general, ordering a pizza is admitting that one lacks the hard-wired killer instinct to go forth and chase down sustenance. As such, the threat of retribution never really enters the equation for Luigi the pizza guy. He could probably get away with throwing a hot bag of ingredients at me and telling me he was out of crust.
Case in point: I'm sitting next to a half "all-meat" / half "greek style" pizza with no bacon on the meat side and no kalamata black olives on the greek side. This basically reduces the thing to an over-produced supreme pizza. And I'm fucking BLOGGING about it.
Well-played, sir. Well-played indeed.
-How did sausage pull so far ahead of bacon in the field of popular pizza toppings? I realize that garden-variety fennel and pork sausage is an Italian mainstay, but cured and thin-sliced meats are a big deal too. And the best things about Pepperoni (king of the pizza toppings), namely its saltiness, oiliness and its tendency to crisp up and curl on the edges-- these are things bacon does better than anything! Yet while sausage is granted pizza-headlining clout, bacon is available only in the most overzealously meat-heavy pizzas in the company of every other product you can kill out of a pig, cow or raccoon. It's an unfortunate thing.
(As a final thought, it must be the fault of the tomato sauce. Bacon gets along famously with cheese. Bread's dry and absorbent qualities complement bacon's greasiness and strong flavor gracefully and unobtrusively. Tomato sauce, though? Tomato sauce never heard of bacon. Tomato sauce and italian sausage go back for days though, and when the call comes in for a headlining meat product, I'm sure the sauce phones in a referral for its boy the sausage every damn time. Fuckin' tomato sauce. Pesto and ranch got your number any time they want, and they're both down with the bacon like you wouldn't believe)
Aaaaand that's time. Hands off the keyboard. Hitting the post button. Happy August everyone!
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