fresh [Liam]

I failed to catch an escaping L-Muni on foot for the first time in memory last week. As a rule of thumb, if you can see it a block down from one of the windows of our apartment you have to take the back stairs and exit on Taraval to cut the distance you trail by. I chose wrong, ended up chasing by like a quarter block (already way too much) and losing fast. I really sold the run for everyone on the street, though. I was like Tom Cruise in that one running scene in that Tom Cruise movie.
On flat ground by 40th Ave. I can keep pace with a muni train for 4-6 blocks easy. This was crowded uphill going though, and the train had a good head start. I put on an extra burst at the end, enough that I caught up to the glass of the furthest-back door of the trolley at the next stop. It was clearly too late, as the doors had slid shut and the motor was beginning to power back up. Everyone in the back of the train was looking at me. I banged the button about 5 times, but it too was already starting to move. I threw my hands up in exasperation for the benefit of the audience of sidewalk onlookers and backseat passengers.

Then the coolest shit EVER happens.

A thick Chinese accent from behind me: "We can catch them! Get in!"
I spin around and there's a 50-something man in a minivan packed with stuff, waving me over.

(Liam jumping into the aftermarket-cushioned passenger seat of a strange van)

(Good samaritan and Liam racing up Taraval street, fast-paced Chinese 80's music bumping out the speakers)

(Van lurching to a stop at the 19th St. stop, Liam thanking the driver while running at the train)

(Bewildered looks from the entire back of the train)

I really, REALLY need to start carrying mentos around with me.

America... FUCK YEAH! [Ben]

Christ, could this administration make Jon Stewart's job any easier? From the New York Times:

"The Bush administration is expected to announce next week a major step forward in the building of the country’s first new nuclear warhead in nearly two decades."

Hell yeah baby! Of course, the article says we're still in the process of ironing out blueprints from two competing designs, but maybe if they knock this out by 4th of July, Bush can use his shiny new missile to beat a swarthy foreigner to death on the deck of an aircraft carrier while wearing an American flag toga in order to better celebrate our freedom. At this point, would you even let Bush near a jack-in-the-box?

I'm sure the rest of the world will sleep better knowing one of the most aggressive, morally infantile, militarily incompetent, and sadistic, not to mention richest and most powerful regimes in the world fully intends to increase its stockpile of nuclear weapons for the first time in 20 years. I'm still flummoxed as to why Iran and North Korea didn't roll over and dissolve their weapons programs when we asked nic... well, okay, so maybe we just went ahead and told them. But still, are we not benevolent?! Are we not kind?! What?!! What was that about the non-proliferation treaty we've violated harder and more persistently than your average altar boy?! Were you talking?! Prove to me you're not harboring terrorists! Yeah, I didn't think so. Ahem...

So anyway, why spend 100 billion dollars to produce a new bomb when we already have enough nukes to glaze the desert from Baghdad to Cairo if Bush wants to ice skate there next Christmas? Well, according to multiple sources, including General Cartwright, head of strategic command, and Robert Joseph, undersecretary of state for arms control the benefits are bountiful:

• The new bombs will be more reliable
• If the new bombs are stolen by terrorists, they will be much harder to detonate
• Building a new bomb will ensure that our scientists are getting experience designing nuclear weapons in case we need to, um, design a weapon someday...

What a bargain! But now that I've thought about this for about 5 minutes, allow me to retort. Our current nuclear arsenal numbers around 6000 warheads, so if we're worried about reliability, maybe we, I dunno, drop two... or even four?! Fuck, if you're going to start the apocalypse, why be half-assed about it? I'm guessing we probably won't run out, seeing as we've dropped exactly zero nuclear bombs since the end of WWII, and the warheads we have now make the ones we dropped on Japan seem about as effective as farts on a windy day.

And while it would be great to have our nukes more secure in case one gets, uh, misplaced, there's a reason Dr. Evil stole his warhead from Kerplakistan and not Kansas. Compared to the rest of the world, our shit is on lockdown. Potential terrorists will be purchasing nukes from North Korea or Pakistan, or tripping across them in Russian junkyards before they even have a wet dream about stealing one from the US military. Seriously. And on the off chance that our security lacks the impermeability I assume for it, I took the liberty of drawing up a plan that has the benefit of being exactly half as expensive and 100% less offensive than the government's current proposal:


The last point is the most reasonable. Despite the fact that we've committed to a non-proliferation treaty that we have absolutely zero intention of honoring, it does seem like a good idea to have some scientists that actually know what's happening on the nuclear design front. However, it seems like this could be accomplished simply by commissioning new designs every five years or so, which would be cost effective as well as non-confrontational.

Maybe I'm thinking too simply about this, but perhaps the problem lies somewhere around the decision to ask a bunch of warmongering assholes whether or not we need new bombs. Hopefully, when congress decides whether or not to fund this insanity they get advice from some independent sources. I'm reminded of a quote by Upton Sinclair--who, it's worth remembering, had some experience seeing through the mendacity of those who don't mind a little blood on their hands: "It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it."

oh dang it's a cartoon character that kind of looks like me or at least wears the same clothes [amy]

www.questionablecontent.net

Captain von Trapp is Kind of Sleezy [amy]

I actually like The Sound of Music. When I was a kid it had the special distinction of requiring two tapes, which made it extra cool. I saw it again this weekend (this time on DVD, and it only needs one), and I still enjoyed it. However, despite his dashing good looks, I found it unsettling that Captain von Trapp dumps his girlfriend and calls of their wedding so that he can procede to seduce the nun that babysits his kids.

ew ew ew!

(But he still is rather dashing. In 1965. Not so much nowadays.)